What would have been different?

Thank you all of your supportive comments and for your prayers for the boys. We do know where they are, and it is supposed to be a nice place. That is a relief. Unfortunately, the home that they are in is not willing to have communication with me or to allow anyone in to see the boys. I am sure that this is hard for them to understand, and changes are always hard. But they have each other, and they are strong. Please keep praying for their protection and safety, and please pray that they never doubt how special they are.

In the online world, people talk about everything, and no one is afraid to share their opinions. I'm as guilty as anyone, actually I'm probably worse than most about "arguing" my point of view in online groups and forums. Just look back at the adoption rules I wrote 2 years ago, and you will see that I've been struggling to keep my keyboard quiet for a long time. When I wrote that list 2 years ago, I was "arguing" about why the gross national product per capita was not a good indicator of poverty in Guatemala. (I still get steamed when I think about that discussion and how some people are so unwilling to even consider what others are saying!) I finally just left that group, because it was the only way I could keep myself quiet. I've found myself in other disagreements from time to time, but for the most part I try to read and reflect, and I try keep my opinions to myself. I'm sure this is all so interesting for you to read (uh, no), but I wanted to give you some background before I go into what I have been reflecting on over the past few weeks.

Since the children were moved from the hogar, I have seen some comments like "I feel bad for the people in this situation, but there were warnings about starting an adoption before the law change." -- OR -- "I am sorry that the parents are hurting, but they should have known better."
-- OR -- "This is sad, but I wish these parents had never started an adoption." None of those are actual quotes, and not all comments were worded so softly, but the idea is the same. . . that we shouldn't even be in this situation.

Of course, I disagree. I have been reflecting on the idea though and about why I disagree with it. When we started this adoption, we knew that we were taking a big risk. We weren't uninformed or foolish or unaware. We weren't overwhelmed with the "need" for another child, as the 2 that we have are perfect and are more than enough to complete a family. We wanted more children; we wanted to adopt again; and our preference was to add another Guatemalan child to our family. We discussed the possibility that it could be a process that took YEARS to complete. We discussed the possibility that we could start an adoption and then never bring the child home. We discussed it, prayed about it, thought about it, and then we decided to take the risk.

I'm not saying that it would be a good decision for any other family. I'm not saying that we knew how "bad" things would really get. I never imagined that I would have to visit them and leave them 7 times. I never imagined that there would be hogar raids, or that we would spend sleepless nights not even knowing where the children were. I did not know that it would be this hard.

But I do not regret our decision. It has not been an easy decision to live through, but I do not regret it. I know some people don't understand that I could feel that way, but my feelings can be explained by answering one question -- What would have been different if we had not made the same decision?

If we had never started this adoption, would Gerson's & Elviz's lives be different? They probably still would have been living in an orphanage for past 2 years. They would have had the same friends and the same nannies. A different decision would not have prevented the raid on the hogar or protected them from such an abrupt move. For the most part, their lives would be pretty much the same. . .

. . . except they would have received fewer prayers, fewer hugs, and fewer kisses. They would have missed out on hearing how precious and perfect they are. They would have missed out on lots of giggles and tickles. They probably wouldn't know the word "rascals" or the sign for "I love you." They wouldn't have memories of the auto safari, swimming pools, or playing games at an arcade. They probably would have eaten a whole lot less cocoa crispies.

If we had never started this adoption, would our lives at home be different? We probably wouldn't have had as much heartache or sadness or stress or financial strain in the past 2 years. We might have even taken a vacation or 2. We probably would have added another child to our family through adoption or birth, and most likely that child would be here. Our lives would certainly be different.

But if we did not make that decision, I would never have met the boys. And that is a blessing that far outweighs any of the negative.

Even if this situation is painful and sad and depressing. . . even if they never come to live here with us . . . I do not regret our decision. Gerson and Elviz are worth it. Just knowing them is worth it. They received more love because we are in this situation. And they deserve it.

So to anyone who does not think that we should be in this situation, I respectfully disagree. Loving them is worth the pain that comes with missing them. It is worth the risk of losing them.