About a month ago, Brayden started showing some signs that the "terrible twos" were going to come early. . . tantrums, hitting, throwing -- you know, toddler stuff. I wasn't too concerned. It is, after all, what comes with this age. So, we dealt with these behaviors with patience and re-direction. So far, I've been very impressed with our ability to stay calm and matter-of-fact while saying "no hits", "no throws", and "that is not nice" about 1 billion times per day. My sister has had many laughs since she witnessed a tantrum one day, and I responded in my ultra-dorky voice, "It's OK, Brayden. Everyone gets angry." We've been calm. We can handle this. Or so I thought -- This week, we've entered a whole new world of "issues". . .
About 4 days ago, Brayden started head banging. Yeah, that's right, he is banging his head against anything and everything when he gets upset or when he wants attention. He head bangs on walls, on doors, and on the floor. He picks up things and hits himself in the head, and if he doesn't have something readily available, he makes a fist and hits himself. He is banging his head HARD. Hard enough to leave bruises, and hard enough to scare me. He is also not sleeping. Brayden has always been a good sleeper (with some periods of exception, like after his surgery), but now he is fighting going to sleep and he is waking up many, many times at night. When he wakes up, he bangs his head on his crib.
Everything I read says that we are supposed to ignore this behavior. That makes sense, it is obviously an attention-seeking behavior that we don't want to encourage, so we shouldn't give it any attention. However, every fiber of my being wants do something to stop him. This may be the hardest thing we have been through so far. . . and it is wearing me out. The head banging has definitely declined each day, but there were still some really hard hits today. How do I help him? How can I help him when I don't understand what is wrong? Is this related to Parker being here? Is this related to the cardio appt? Is this something else? Am I just reading too much into normal boy behavior?
I thought about not posting about this, and DH didn't want me to, but I feel like I need to. My blog is usually "light and airy". Sometimes I avoid the real stuff of life because I'm afraid of dealing with it or I'm afraid of being judged . . . with this issue, I'm guess I'm just afraid that someone will think something is "wrong" with my son. I often think about the reason that I spend so much time reading other blogs -- it is the connection that I feel to people when they are open and honest. I've been touched, inspired, and educated by other bloggers, so don't I owe it to them to share some of our struggles?
11 comments:
you are not alone as Kaleb is doing many of these things. The hitting himself has calmed down alot but he still hits other things with his head. The pediatrician said that eventually he will hurt himself and it will stop. I guess that it is just one of those things that is unexplained that we must go through as parents.
Kelli had some really valuable things to say. If you are really concerned than you could speak with his ped. - but eventually he'll hurt himself and stop (hopefully not seriously). Jacob used to "bonk" his head on things and still does from time to time, but has gotten to the point where he pats his head and says "ow". I very calmly reply, "It hurts huh?" so that he can relate the hurt to the bonk, etc.
I don't know that you need to ignore completely, but just don't go running to his aid, act rather nonchallant and matter of fact, and if he cries about it then just say, "well, that is why we don't hit our heads on things" or something to that effect.
You are right that it is attention getting - and don't worry about writing about it, it just shows us you are a normal family. ;) We go through all sorts of battles similar to that and more. :) It's nice to have other moms to bat ideas around with.
I don't have any advice as I'm a first time mom, and Alex hasn't started doing that one yet!
I do want to encourage you to continue to blog about this kind of stuff. That's what our blogs are for....to get this kind of stuff down on "paper" and get other's opinions.
I'm sure Brayden is just a normal little boy - and thanks for the heads up on what I need to expect!!
~Connection~ yes, that is definately why I read the blogs I do - and I can connect to this post too. Evan's thing for a while was vomiting - after his surgery he had some reflux and could vomit easily but also did it for attention and if little man didn't get his way - you would have a mess to clean up! Pedi. also gave us the advice of ignoring it and I had a really hard time doing that - found myself looking at him very sternly and saying "Don't do it Evan, you better not get sick" in public that would have sounded mean but, it really bothered me. Eventually, he stopped - for the most part - he still gags just to scare me! ~hugs to Mommy and Daddy and that this will pass sooner rather than later and sleep filled nights return.
Brayden is very much a normal little toddler! You are certainly not alone in what he is going through. I can connect with you on this post on so many levels as Dominic is doing the same thing. He bangs his head on stuff or just hits himself in the forehead with his fist. We have been ignoring it or simply say matter-of-fact things like GoofyJ mentioned. Seems to work as he doesn't do it nearly as often as he used to.
I'm so glad you posted your concerns with your (sometimes) terrible two year old ;). He is totally normal and you & your hubby are wonderful parents. He could be trying to get extra attention now that Parker is in the picture, but don't worry about it. That's normal too. It's not that he's getting less attention than before. He just wants more of it, now that momma & daddy have to be shared. He'll get used to it. In the meantime, my advice for you would be to just keep showing him lots of love, but not giving in to the tanrtums.
You know, for a little while Gage was banging his head, mostly on the back of the high chair. It mostly happened when he was tired and didn't get his way about something. Then somehow, he just stopped. I sympathize with you, because it was hard to watch and harder to ignore, but I think Brayden is very normal! I guess I wouldn't be surprised if he's wanting a bit more attention since Parker arrived, but it's so hard to know with these little guys. He'll stop on his own soon, I bet.
Suzanne
Krystal -
You are such a good momma! Your love and concern is SO evident and touching. What a beautiful heart you have.
OK... so we have had this problem before... RACHEL would throw herself to the ground and SCREAM AND BANG her head. I have heard other people and the pediatrician say to ignore it - they won't do it too long if it hurts. It was hard, but I would step over her and walk away like I didn't hear her. She did stop... but it was SO HARD.
However, I would embrace this little episode as a sign that BRAYDEN is a perfectly NORMAL and well adjusted toddler. :) I mean that!
God bless you!!!! You are doing a great job!
Krystal, I used to not ever want to blog about anything not perfect, too. My family reads my blog, and I didn't want to admit to them if things weren't just magnificent.
When I did start blogging about a few troubles we were dealing with it was such a relief. Just to have other Mom's validate your experience and offer support is such a help.
Me? No advice on the headbanging. But hang in there. You are a great Mom.
After raising two girls, I thought I was well prepared for my son. I clearly remember watching him repeatedly run into the large kitchen trash can head first, bouncing off and landing on the floor hard. I looked over at our nanny and asked her what was wrong with him? Was this the early signs of autism? She just laughed and said he is a boy. He also would ball up his fist and hit himself, head butt things/people, etc. He still does it occasionally, but mostly is just passed, like so many other things. Brayden is just a perfectly normal boy, bruises and all!
Krystal,
I love being able to "vent" on my blog, because many people who read it are adopting just like me and understand the emotions. I realized one day that I hadn't ever really shown my low points on the blog, when I friend at church asked how I was REALLY doing. She knew the struggles that I went through prior to Abbie's referral, when I was trying to adopt Anslie. At that point, I decided to start letting my true emotions show on the blog. It is theraputic.
I am not sure how to help you, since I haven't been there - yet-, but I will be praying for you and your family!
Take Care!
Karen
Ijust re-read my comment ... in my second paragraph I didn't mean that Brayden is a terrible two year old!!! I was referring to the "terrible two's", lol ... hope you took it that way :)!
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