I am such an idiot!!

Please don't tell the social worker, the agency, the attorney, the birth mother, the foster mother, the Embassy or anyone else that I made promises to that I am such an idiot -- I promised that I would take good care of Brayden, but apparently I am TOO STUPID to do that!!

We were at Mom's earlier this evening. Brayden was sitting in his booster chair watching me and playing with some toys. I was putting together some little dessert things with involved Jello pudding. Now, if you know me at all, you know that I'm pretty concerned about what the baby eats -- strict, some would say. Not a lot of table food, no junk. For some reason, I gave Brayden 2 small tastes of pudding (1 chocolate, 1 vanilla). As I pulled the spoon from his mouth, I said, "Hey, pudding is dairy. What am I doing?" Mom replied that most babies grow out of that, and since we never really knew for sure that Brayden had a dairy issue (he came home on soy formula and we kept him on soy), I just said, "Well, I guess we'll find out if he has a problem with milk."

Fast forward to 2 hours later - Michael is upstairs putting Bray to bed, I'm downstairs mentally preparing for the new episode of Lost. Big scream from Michael, I run upstairs, projectile vomit from Brayden (out of the mouth and nose). Oh, my poor little baby! Why, oh, why did he get the worst mama in the world? Why don't I have any sense? Had anyone else given him that pudding, I would have bawled them out -- why wasn't I thinking!!!! I'm guessing that he has a serious allergy to milk, not just an intolerance. I'll be drilling the pediatrician about at his appt on Monday morning.

Lots of dr appts next week -- Monday morning appt with pediatrician (the "real" dr, the one we love) for shots and now a crash course in food allergies, Monday afternoon hearing test and evaluation by audiologist (a whole 'nother issue), and Friday afternoon checkup with pediatric cardiologist. I can't wait to get to the Friday appt so that we can find out what is going on. Now that it's close, I am reading into every move, breath, or nap -- hopefully, I'm just being paranoid.

OK, summary of the day -- I am a terrible mother who poisoned her precious baby boy with dairy product. So sorry, Brayden Boy, I wish I was a better mother :(