PC Appt Tomorrow

Brayden has an appt with his pediatric cardiologist tomorrow. I am so, so anxious to get to that appt and find out what the dr thinks. I'm not sure if I want her to tell us that we can wait or if I want to her say that it's time to schedule the surgery -- both options are scary to me. I want the "wait" opinion b/c I am scared of the surgery and at times I just don't know how I'll make it through it without going crazy. I want the "schedule" opinion b/c I want Brayden to be relieved of any distress that he is in, and I want him to have lots of energy, and I want him to roll over, reach, crawl, and just do the things that kids do. I want the blue hands to go away forever! I want a lot of things, but I totally accept that this is out of my control. I know that I need to let this go, to give it to God, and to stop worrying about it. I know that, but I don't know how to DO that right now. Well, at least it's only one more day until we find out what the dr thinks. . .