What would have been different?

Thank you all of your supportive comments and for your prayers for the boys. We do know where they are, and it is supposed to be a nice place. That is a relief. Unfortunately, the home that they are in is not willing to have communication with me or to allow anyone in to see the boys. I am sure that this is hard for them to understand, and changes are always hard. But they have each other, and they are strong. Please keep praying for their protection and safety, and please pray that they never doubt how special they are.

In the online world, people talk about everything, and no one is afraid to share their opinions. I'm as guilty as anyone, actually I'm probably worse than most about "arguing" my point of view in online groups and forums. Just look back at the adoption rules I wrote 2 years ago, and you will see that I've been struggling to keep my keyboard quiet for a long time. When I wrote that list 2 years ago, I was "arguing" about why the gross national product per capita was not a good indicator of poverty in Guatemala. (I still get steamed when I think about that discussion and how some people are so unwilling to even consider what others are saying!) I finally just left that group, because it was the only way I could keep myself quiet. I've found myself in other disagreements from time to time, but for the most part I try to read and reflect, and I try keep my opinions to myself. I'm sure this is all so interesting for you to read (uh, no), but I wanted to give you some background before I go into what I have been reflecting on over the past few weeks.

Since the children were moved from the hogar, I have seen some comments like "I feel bad for the people in this situation, but there were warnings about starting an adoption before the law change." -- OR -- "I am sorry that the parents are hurting, but they should have known better."
-- OR -- "This is sad, but I wish these parents had never started an adoption." None of those are actual quotes, and not all comments were worded so softly, but the idea is the same. . . that we shouldn't even be in this situation.

Of course, I disagree. I have been reflecting on the idea though and about why I disagree with it. When we started this adoption, we knew that we were taking a big risk. We weren't uninformed or foolish or unaware. We weren't overwhelmed with the "need" for another child, as the 2 that we have are perfect and are more than enough to complete a family. We wanted more children; we wanted to adopt again; and our preference was to add another Guatemalan child to our family. We discussed the possibility that it could be a process that took YEARS to complete. We discussed the possibility that we could start an adoption and then never bring the child home. We discussed it, prayed about it, thought about it, and then we decided to take the risk.

I'm not saying that it would be a good decision for any other family. I'm not saying that we knew how "bad" things would really get. I never imagined that I would have to visit them and leave them 7 times. I never imagined that there would be hogar raids, or that we would spend sleepless nights not even knowing where the children were. I did not know that it would be this hard.

But I do not regret our decision. It has not been an easy decision to live through, but I do not regret it. I know some people don't understand that I could feel that way, but my feelings can be explained by answering one question -- What would have been different if we had not made the same decision?

If we had never started this adoption, would Gerson's & Elviz's lives be different? They probably still would have been living in an orphanage for past 2 years. They would have had the same friends and the same nannies. A different decision would not have prevented the raid on the hogar or protected them from such an abrupt move. For the most part, their lives would be pretty much the same. . .

. . . except they would have received fewer prayers, fewer hugs, and fewer kisses. They would have missed out on hearing how precious and perfect they are. They would have missed out on lots of giggles and tickles. They probably wouldn't know the word "rascals" or the sign for "I love you." They wouldn't have memories of the auto safari, swimming pools, or playing games at an arcade. They probably would have eaten a whole lot less cocoa crispies.

If we had never started this adoption, would our lives at home be different? We probably wouldn't have had as much heartache or sadness or stress or financial strain in the past 2 years. We might have even taken a vacation or 2. We probably would have added another child to our family through adoption or birth, and most likely that child would be here. Our lives would certainly be different.

But if we did not make that decision, I would never have met the boys. And that is a blessing that far outweighs any of the negative.

Even if this situation is painful and sad and depressing. . . even if they never come to live here with us . . . I do not regret our decision. Gerson and Elviz are worth it. Just knowing them is worth it. They received more love because we are in this situation. And they deserve it.

So to anyone who does not think that we should be in this situation, I respectfully disagree. Loving them is worth the pain that comes with missing them. It is worth the risk of losing them.

Last week, I visited with my precious boys. We played, we laughed, we ran, we hugged, we snuggled, we joked. And on the night before I left, we all cried. On Sunday morning, we put on 3 brave faces and returned to the hogar for another goodbye. I could say that none of us cried that morning, but the truth is that I wavered just a bit when I gave them a final hug and told them that I will love them forever.

When I walked out of the green door and back towards my life without them, the only thought that eased the ache in my heart was knowing that they were safe. They were happy and healthy and loved in this place that they have lived the past 2.5 years, and I knew that they would be fine while I was gone.

Two days ago, that comfort was shattered. My children and the others who lived with them were taken away from their happy little home. Officials and policemen with guns packed them up and drove them away.


They were taken away from their home,


taken away from their favorite nannies,


and then separated from their friends who they refer to as brothers and sisters.


And
we
still
do
not
know
where
they
are.


I could try to tell you how devastated I feel or how worried I am. But none of that matters.

What matters is that these children -- these precious, innocent children who have already lived through so much -- have been uprooted and have had their whole worlds turned upside down.

Please pray for Gerson and Elviz and for the 14 other children involved. Please pray that they are kept safe and protected. Pray that their little hearts are comforted as they face uncertainty, unfamiliar surroundings, and unknown faces. Please pray that they are returned to their home right away.

GOT Raffle

I know, I know - I have so much to post! I promise that I will post pictures from my trip, if you will do a favor for me :) Please click here to go to the Global Orphan Team blog and consider donating to the current raffle / fundraiser. The raffle ends on Friday, so go now!

Donations to GOT always make us smile :) :) :)

Please Pray for My Dad

Please pray for my Dad. He had a mild heart attack this morning and has been at the hospital all day. They are moving him to another hospital and he will have a heart cath once he is there.

Hearing Tomorrow

Update: No ruling, just another hearing date set for November.



There is another hearing for Gerson & Elviz tomorrow morning. My prayer requests are the same as they have been before --

Please pray for that everyone involved will have a deep compassion for Gerson and Elviz, and that every decision that is made will be based on the best interest of these precious boys.

Please pray that God guides each person in the courtroom with a strong hand so that there is no doubt where Gerson and Elviz belong.

Please pray that God will filter Gerson´s and Elviz´s ears during the hearing and that they will not hear anything negative.

Thank you so much for joining us in prayer. We love these boys completely, and we want them to be safe, protected, happy, and healthy. They deserve to find their home.

May Visit

These pictures are from my visit in May. The boys loved the place that we stayed because they had a friend to play with and lots of toys!

They really liked this moto :)

The Power Ranger toys were a gift from GG. The boys loved them!

Power Rangers on a swing set

We went to Casa Santo Domingo for a Mother's Day brunch and to look around the beautiful grounds.

And we spent lots of time playing and relaxing at the house.

Working on their letters -

I love these handsome boys so very much. I am so glad that I will see their sweet faces again soon :)

Great Pics that I Haven't Posted

These pictures are from our visit trip in March. It is so much easier to post multiple pictures on Facebook, so I do that right away and then forget that they are not on here! March was a great visit b/c Michael & I both got to go.

So happy to see their Papi!

And I was so happy to see them :)

Playing cars

They loved swinging in the hammocks.

They were playing with a bat toy that was the grossest looking thing. They loved it though and flew it around the courtyard. We even got it stuck in a few of the trees, and of course, they thought that was hilarious.

Too bad this one is blurry, it could have been good.

Getting ready for a fun day

We went to Auto Safari Chapin. It was a very fun trip.

The giraffes did not want us to enter. This was very exciting for the boys!

The boys liked looking at all of the animals, and they had lots of questions and funny things to say. They liked the little boat ride, too.

Finishing off the day with a little pizza party.

I'm glad this one is not blurry :)

This was on the way to the court hearing. Elviz gets sleepy in the car - what a cutie.

Gerson looked so handsome

The next 3 are favorites of Mynor and Parker G. They do not get to drink pop, so they are a bit jealous to see the boys with a Coke. They say, "No pop, Elviz!" when they see these pictures :)

This is after they had a water fight --

Just relaxing :)

And a little bit of jumping :)

Trying to get back -

To this -
Hopefully I will make another trip soon to see the boys and to attend another hearing.

Wordy Wednesday

I haven't written on this blog in a long time.
*Written = used words to convey thoughts and tell stories (i.e. more than just a short intro or photo caption).

That seems like a problem to me. It seems like I should actually write something . . . It seems like I should, and I really do want to write things down and have a record of them. Yet, I don't do it. So, I've been thinking about why I don't, and it was a pretty simple answer. Everything just became too hard to talk about.

- It became too hard to write about Gerson & Elviz not being here.
- It became too hard to figure out what was too private and what was too vague when trying to tell you why they aren't here.
- It became too hard to write about things that happen in our daily lives without explaining special "issues" that we face.
- It become too hard to walk the line between celebrating the good things in our lives and coming across as if I were pretending that everything was perfect.
- It became too hard to determine what I want my children to read when they are older.

It all just became too hard, and so I just quit. Now I'm left in a strange situation where some days I feel like I want to write about something, but I feel like I can't just pop in here and write something out of the blue. And even if I start a post, I just run into all of the same roadblocks listed above.

There isn't any real point to this post, and there isn't any answer down here at the end. (Sorry, no conclusion - no neat little bow.) I just thought I would try to write something. Maybe the next time I want to write, it won't feel quite as awkward when I look down and see that I have, indeed, written something in the most recent year. Maybe.

4th of July Fun

The parade (like any event that includes candy) was a big hit with the babies :)

Jumping for joy at the sight of a police car.Miss PG

After the parade, we went to the toy store so that Mynor could pick out a special prize for his potty-training success.

He did not appreciate the camera interruption! It rained in the afternoon and evening, so we had to hang out inside.It seems like the kids found some way to have fun though :)We watched the fireworks from the back of the van.

Poor Mynor - he does not like loud noises, so fireworks are not fun for him. I think we will have to find a fireworks-free zone for him next year. Even though he hated it during the display, he was fine as soon as it was over and he did enjoy talking about it before and after the actual fireworks.

Parker G loved the fireworks. Regardless of what colors we saw, she made us all aware that she wanted "PINK!"